Punk Out!

So I've been sitting in front of this blank screen typing different things and deleting them for about 40 minutes now, occasionally distracting myself with silly little things. I type something then delete it because it isn't what I want to talk about right now, or I get up and go make coffee, or flip through a magazine to avoid typing what has become glaringly apparent within the last 24 hours. I know as humans we all have our "version" of this, but I'm gonna talk about mine...

I had the pleasure of making a new friend in one of the most unexpected places. We went for coffee and through our chat I realized something. I have a particular way of operating. If I get uncomfortable and am required to move outside my comfort zone I am gonna punk out, bail, leave, exit stage left, disappear, etc. I will find a really great excuse or situation, use that and bail. This has been a really great way of keeping myself safe and comfortable for a really long time. As someone who is committed to being different, to shaking things up this clearly is not going to work! Even sitting here typing this I can see this weaving its way through different areas of my life. It has made several appearances in different jobs, shown up once or twice in my relationships with men, and defiantly in... well you get the idea. 

Now this is something that I can do one of two things with. I can see this, say "Great" and then do absolutely nothing with it or two, acknowledge this, be responsible for it and go after the life I know I want. Since starting this blog I have been getting really great at getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, this is another layer of that. In allowing this little tid bit to run the show for some time now I've missed some really great opportunities and I don't want to sit back and miss them anymore! 

I know there is a "part B" to this as well. I need to go back and apologize and clean up any possible messes that may have been left behind from this little pattern of mine. Just in typing this I can think of two people that will be getting a phone call from me. I am a firm believer in that one can not truly move forward until you deal with the excess baggage from the past. I can make it really difficult and hard to do or I can embrace the sunshine and move forward. 

Life is about pictures, both big and small. It is really great to keep your eye on the big picture but don't miss the journey along the way. Enjoy the small pictures to because without them the big picture looses a piece.