Insecurities...

Have you ever looked at a friend, loved one, or co-worker and this, what at first appears to be an innocent, thought pops into your head? Maybe sounding something like “Hmmm that’s new, they’ve never done that before” or “Why did he say that?” or “He always says he loves me before he leaves and he didn’t say it this time”, some version of one of those, and then it happens again so the wheels in your head start turning and you start making it mean “They are out to get me” or “He’s doesn’t want to be with me anymore” or “ They’re making me look bad”. Before you know it you’ve gone on an evidence gathering mission and without even talking to them, have plotted revenge, been a complete b*tch, or ended things with them before you in fact have the truth and have even spoken to them about it?

As human being this is something we do, insecurities run rapid and can take over before you even know it. This has been me for the last 24 hours, as a girl I’m just throwing it out there, but I think we’re prone to more of these “fits of insecurities” than men are, mostly because we are the more emotional one’s than our male counterparts.

So if you’ve read the blog post A Gift (if not click here), I am delighted to report that said boy has read the post and re-entered into my life into a really big way. It is both beyond exciting and at the same time, terrifying!  We’ve spoken everyday on the phone and spent the rest of the day usually chatting via BBM when not working. We’ve both been through a lot in life and are getting to know one another again and to say my heart is full would be an understatement. What I’d forgotten happens though is that when you put your heart out there, you are trusting another with it and at times your mind goes into to “protect” mode. Another label for this is “fit of insecurities”, which start popping up all over the place. I got stuck in one last night because of something I saw on Facebook. Oh, how you gotta love social media and what it’s done to the world and relationships.

Soon to be added to my left wrist

I woke up this morning and I am sipping my coffee, swollen eyes from lack of sleep and realized that all this needs is a little bit of faith; faith in him, faith in what we’re discovering and most of all faith in myself.  Sometimes we just need a little reminder and a little clarity about what faith is, so here is mine….