Update Time….

It’s been a little while since I’ve done an update…mostly because I’ve been avoiding writing to you all, but thanks to 2 “soldiers of greatness” that I’m blessed to have in my life, avoidance is slowly no longer becoming a valid option. If there is one thing in my life that I’ve never been very good at it has been embracing my humanity and that I do, not and probably never will, do things perfectly. I’m not very good at “cutting myself some slack”.  I inevitably set the bar so high that an Olympic athlete couldn’t achieve it and when I don’t I treat myself like garbage. Expectations are something that we all set and sometimes we are really great at communicating them, but most of the time we don’t. When someone fails to meet those that we set, we go about punishing them for not meeting those expectations; I do this with myself in a highly self-destructive way.

Now, I believe that personal growth and development is never over, it’s kind of like an onion; each step you take is like peeling back the layer of one. Like humans, onions are made up of many, many layers and you could spend lots of time slowly peeling back these layers. There are people in this world that don’t care about the state of their onion and there are people that read books to think about peeling their onion. There are even people that go to therapy to have someone do the peeling for them, then there are the people, like me, that do the best I can to rip the layers of the onion off and sometimes, like Sunday, a whole chunk gets removed and you feel naked and vulnerable, like you’re not entirely certain how you’re going to deal with feeling so exposed.

Some of you may remember that a little while back I did a blog post about this recurring sentence that was always going through my head, “I’m fat and ugly, please be my friend”. Well, thanks to my “soldiers of greatness” I have peeled back another layer of that and discovered what’s really there is “I’m not worth it.” So, for the last couple days I’ve been sitting with the impact of this discovery on my life. I traced it all the way back to the exact moment that I first said that to myself and from that point forward I can see how my life has played out with this running as my background theme music. This has been the source of some, ok a lot, of tears over the last couple days, but today I feel a sense of relief. There were points today where I heard that L’Oreal commercial slogan “You’re worth it” running through my head and it’s made me giggle. I will talk more about this in my next blog post. So with that…

I’ve not being doing what I said I was going to do around a lot of goals I outlined at the beginning of the year (insert goals blog post). For this, I’m sorry. Some you readers have sent emails asking me what’s going on, so I apologize, this post is officially confirmation that I am back on the wagon!

This week (yes, I know it’s Wednesday, but so far I’m on track)…

1. 3 blog posts

2.  A minimum of 30 mins of exercise 6/7 days. Yoga, additional walking & gym visits have been the theme so far this week, so we’ll continue with those

3.  Research and narrow down volunteer opportunities that I want to take on. Specifically around elderly people, because I love their wisdom and spending time with them. I miss giving back.

4.  Reading, 30 mins a day – have some books I’ve been avoiding.

5.   Facing the music, no matter what, at my weigh in this week at Weight Watchers.

6.  Practicing and repeating to myself however many times is necessary “I’m worth it”