Miss Independent...

I’ve made sure that for most of my life I have been pretty self-sufficient. I have made sure that I don’t really allow myself to rely on anyone for anything.  I’ve never really shared my space, my brain, but most of all my heart with someone wholly and completely.  Now, most of this was done out of protection, can’t get hurt when you don’t let anyone in, life seemed easier that way. However, I then went and wrote a blog post that has a really great guy standing at the door, pounding on the door wanting to come in. Come into my heart, my mind and my soul.

He was here visiting for a week and let me tell you the lesson I learnt in just how alone I’ve made myself was astounding. He did the sweetest things…. made sure my slippers were right outside the bathroom door whenever I had a shower so that when I got out my toes didn’t get cold, cover me up with a blanket on the couch when I fell asleep after work, make the bed in the morning, watered the plants, did the dishes, cleaned all the cobwebs off my patio or killed anything that remotely resembled a spider, because I’m deathly afraid of spiders.  He helped make dinner every night, helped with laundry, came to work with me and painted my fitting rooms on his holiday, because I’d told him it needed to be done. The list could go on.

For the first couple days I was beyond stubborn and kept saying “I can do it, don’t worry.” I was determined to show him that I was an independent lady! Then after  the hundredth time of me saying that sentence he took my hand, looked at me and said “I know you can do it, but I want to help you, so let me” I took a deep breath and for the first time in what feels like ever, let someone help me. I’m used to having men in my life that only want something, they never want to give anything, just take, so to have this guy standing in front of me wanting to contribute to my life in a positive way reduced me to tears.

I’m sitting here today, he’s been gone less than 24 hours and I have stopped several times today and watched the little voice saying “alone and independent  again” temporarily take over. I really am lookin to punt that voice off a cliff, but all I’m going to do is stuff it with a little faith and a whole lot of love.

There is being independent and then there is plain ol’ shutting people out so you don’t get hurt and I’m now carving out the path for myself that let’s this really great guy in, but also lets me keep my independent spirit, any tips would be helpful ;)