A Gift...

This is going to be one of those posts where it’s about something I feel I need to write, but not really certain how it’s going to turn out. In addition to that, it also scares the crap out of me and every fiber of my being is screaming to not write it, so away we go…

Have you ever loved someone so much that you swore if they were ever not in your life, you may not be able to breathe, or you may not be able to find the will to live? I have and if there is one thing that I can say is, you will. You will learn to breathe without them and your life will go on because you’ll know that the love you felt for this person has changed who you were at your core.

I have loved a boy since high school and he is an incredibly special boy, no not rides the short bus special.  This boy has no idea how special, talent and amazing he truly is. Mostly it’s because he was the first, and so far only, boy that I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt I loved and he is the one that taught me how to love another with no conditions and no expectations. To say that I took this for granted and was an idiot with this love would be an understatement. I didn’t appreciate or respect it because I didn’t understand it at the time, it wouldn’t be until years later that I realized what I felt for him.

I think that once you love someone to your core, it changes the very fiber of your being and you are never the same person. Love has the ability to make you a better person, gives you this uncanny ability to be able to apologize to them when you’re wrong and most of all, it provides you with the ability to forgive. Forgiveness is not something that has come very easily for me. Like most people I’ve put myself through and have been put through many events in my life that have required forgiveness and for the most part I’ve withheld it, until now.  It is because of love that I feel that I am now able to begin to forgive and where that is going to start is with me.  Loving myself enough to forgive myself for my mistakes and to treat myself with more respect and honor that previously wasn’t there because I wasn’t open to love.

So, to this boy, I say thank you. Thank you for teaching me about love, how to love and most of all for being a part of my life. Weather you know it or not, I love you and am thankful and grateful for the lesson you taught me.  I hope one day to be able to return the gift you’ve given me.