Certainty..

What is this need we have to always know the outcome? This need to know how everything is going to turn out before making a solid decision. Does it provide us with a level of comfort? Like a warm fuzzy blanket of security. I know I talk a good game of wanting to be a risk taker, but when push has come to shove I’ve buckled faster than Luongo during the playoffs.

Life has been generous enough to deal me the message, on several occasions over the last few weeks, Certainty/Comfort, not your friend, stop living here, move along and live in Uncertainty/Variety. This little message “Shake life up, take some risks, fly, jump, leap of the ledge” is being plastered across the sky for me to see. Nothing in life is certain. It’s ok to be wrong, even if it is EPICALLY wrong, it’s still ok.  

Upsetting the status quo, shaking things up, taking risks are all good things. These are things that I defiantly do not do on a regular basis, especially when I think it is going to cost me security and safety in another area. Yet, I walk around saying that I love being spontaneous, that I have no problem with last minute, when the truth is it freaks me out because at my core, I’m a planner. I plan for everything!!! My mother laughs at me all the time for this trait, because at her core, she was once the same way, but has since found the ability to relinquish control and find her zen with “Come what may.”

Let’s face it, what do any of us really have to lose?  Why not take a risk? For the ladies, there is an inner She Ra in us all that wants to take on the world and beat the snot out of life. I heard this quote quite some time ago but stumbled across it again today...

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO what a ride!"

Opinions & Judgments...

The last month has been the second toughest period of time in my life, and I only say second because I have looked death square in the face. I was raised in a loving, caring home with one of the best mother’s anyone could ask for. She taught me to be strong, make mistakes, learn from them and to no matter what, pick yourself up and dust yourself off because you are never done. She did not prepare me for what I’ve been going through.

As humans we form opinions and judgements (O&J’s) about situations, people, places and things. We hold on to these O&J’s as if they are unwavering and the truth. Let me tell you, they are not. I have believed in my opinions on certain topics and would have put my hand on a bible if faced with the actual situation I know what I would do. I have been faced with one such situation and my O&J’s about this situation are not as solid as I would have previously thought.

We are trained as human’s that the “grass is greener on the other side”. Is it really? Or is it just us not wanting to accept and see the greatness in what life has given us? I can officially say for me, grass is not greener on the other side. I am thankful for my strength, my family and the amazing friends that I have in my life that stand beside me no matter what, love me no matter what, and support me no matter what.  It is because of this support that I am able to look inside and see the strength that is in there and allow this strength to change, alter, shape and form new O&J’s, good, bad, right or wrong.

Life is a gift, don’t get stuck in viewing it through your own opinion and judgements, because you might miss out on a really great gift. 

Pigeon or Statue?...

In continuation of taking on my list from the article in my “Doing Me”post (click here to read)….

#10. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue.

I like to think that I wake up each morning and, like Cinderella, have little birds and mice that help me get ready while I sing a beautiful tune. My “skinny” jeans are fitting perfectly, so I stick my tongue out at my “fat” jeans as I close the closet door. I have a super yummy and healthy breakfast and make my way to work. First phone call, and as I’m reaching for the phone I spill my sweet cup of caffeinated joy all over my desk and jeans, crap. It’s my boss with a last minute urgent request, grabbing the list from yesterday, I look and see if I can prioritize this companies ever growing list of “Urgent” requests and soon realize that someone is going to get pissed that they got moved to the bottom of the list. Staff members calls in sick, customers start getting annoyed and soon you are wondering where all those little irritatingly helpful birds and mice were from this morning. Sure they can help you get ready, but where are there when a customer is ripping you a new one because his logo proof hasn’t yet arrived, or the police are standing in your office doorway waiting for you to burn surveillance footage you told them would be ready. But, then the officer smiles and says “Having a rough day?” You snicker and nod as you’re looking through video footage for the rat bastard that stole from your store, he says “Just remember some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue”.  Instantly I felt all the stress concern and worry leave my body because all you can do is do what you can do and get done what you can get done. What a smart police officer for unknowingly giving me a little gem of a reminder, thank you universe.  Then there are those days that sail by, your “to do” list is almost complete, your staff are on time and giving amazing customer service, you eat really well all day and can’t wait to text your trainer about your amazing work out and you crawl into bed that night with a huge smile on your face about the day’s accomplishments.

Some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue. Appreciate the days you are the pigeon because it gives you strength, drive and a boost to your confidence. Also appreciate the days you are the statue because being crapped on can give you the drive to do better and the determination to try harder, plus you learn to appreciate the days you are the statue so much more, after all even Cinderella had her rough days! 

Style...

So I’ve gotten a few emails regarding my “Doing Me” post (click here to read), with peeps requesting that I do another post on the list of 10 from the article I linked to. After looking and re-looking at the list I’m certain I could write a post on each one, so that I shall, but I’m not doing them in order…

#9. Follow Your Own Style

“Style” can refer to many different things, music, fashion, hairstyle, attitude, format, and so on. For the sake of this post I’m going to use the word in the context of “personal style” equalling attitude and appearance.

When I think of ladies that I would consider style icons I think of Sarah Jessica Parker, Audrey Hepburn, Gwen Stefani and Lady Gaga, to name a few. I also picture designers like Diane Von Furstenberg, Chanel and Vivien Westwood. Each of these woman have a unique and signature look that is all their own, some classic to some extreme, but what they all have in common is that they have never waived from who they are, from their signature look. Sure, every now and again they make take a slight detour, but they always return to the very core of who they are.

When I think of personal style the person I always think of first is my friend Celeste, she played a big part in the development of my personal style, because she taught me the biggest lesson of all. Style is not just about the clothes you wear, the amount of makeup you have on or the color of your hair, it’s about your attitude too. It is the combination of those two things that make up your personal style.   

I look back at pictures from years past and I cringe at some of my “phases” that I went through. The big bangs, the turtlenecks, the patterns that a plus size girl, should really not be wearing and it makes me giggle. I look at my closet today and I’m certain there are fashion guru’s out there that would have an opinion about some of my outfits, but it boils down to me being comfortable.  I work in fashion retail and over the years I’ve seen trends, colors, and styles do full circles a number of times. I can’t say I tend to follow the trends. I wear what I want to wear, the colors I want to wear and I don’t care if they are in season or not.

Finding your own style takes time, a few mistakes and a little bit of tender, love and care to develop. It’s made up of things that make you, you. Finding that signature color that marks your personality, no matter how many people tease or bug you about it, it forever remains your favorite color.  Finding that addiction to cutting up shirts and t-shirts alike to make it unique despite the fact someone thinks you are ruining a perfectly good shirt. Also, playing with eyeliner, eye shadows, blushes and lipsticks, painting the blank canvas that is your face, till you look in the mirror and a smile, but the biggest thing is that your personal style is also always changing. As you grow, mature, develop (both physically and mentally) your style changes.

All I can say is, find yours, not someone else’s, never apologize for it and no matter what, smile. A smile is the most beautiful accessory of all.  

Namaste the F*@k...

Before I get started, I would like to state that I am just as guilty of this as the next person, however, I am making a HUGE conscious effort to shift my thinking. Twice, over the last few of days I’ve had this conversation with different peeps and felt compelled to write about it. I promise not to make it too much of a rant.

As someone that takes on my personal growth, like a hyena takes on hunting baby lions, there is one thing I have become frustrated with. This ideal seems to have developed, that to “manifest” something into existence all you need to do is focus on it. Think positive about it, repeat positive affirmations, create a vision board, stare at it every day and be thankful to the universe for bringing it to you, or as I like to call it…Namaste the f*@k out of that sucker!

Here’s the pitfall that I and so many have fallen victim to. “Well I Namaste’d the f*@k out of that sucker and it didn’t work. “Manifesting” is garbage, doesn’t work.”

People have used that as an excuse, YOU STILL HAVE TO TAKE ACTION. I can Namaste the f*@k out of wanting to lose weight and get healthy, but unless I am actually eating right and exercising and taking actions to move me towards that goal, I can pray for it all I want, won’t help. You want to win/make millions of dollars. You write a big fat cheque to yourself, you great a vision board about wealth, but did you buy a lottery ticket? Did you talk to your boss about a raise?  Did you apply for a higher paying job? You want to meet the man of your dreams. You write out a list of qualities and attributes, perhaps pull a few photos from magazines and post them. However, if you sit at home every night, don’t go out to different places and make an effort to put yourself in situations where said man may be…do you honestly think the take out delivery man is going to be the one?  Have I made my point?

The other key to this, aside from action, is your heart, mind and eyes need to be open. You need to give up all expectation of what it is going to look like. Last time I checked Brad Pitt was with Angelina Jolie, so trying to “manifest” Brad isn’t going to happen.  Jennifer Lopez is still alive and well and requires her body, so trying to “manifest” her body, not going to happen.

Taking action requires moving forward, moving in life is essential to expanding and it is when you begin to expand that, I believe, the universe aligns itself with your desires.

I think I did pretty well with not ranting….

Childlike Enthusiasm...

“Put yourself into life and never lose your openness, your childish enthusiasm throughout the journey that is life, and things will come your way” ~Fredirico Fellini~

I remember growing up, as a wee little girl, sitting in my room for hours, dreaming of the life I was going to one day have. All the really great things in life I was going to accomplish, the things I was going change in the world.

I was going to live in a huge plantation style house, with a mile long drive way that will be lined with big trees and cherry blossoms. A wrap around balcony with a chair swing, a lake off to one side, a big tree in the backyard with a tire swing for the kids to play on. I could go on for hours of the dreams I used to have. What happened? When did we stop dreaming and just starting going with the motions of life?

Last night I was walking in the rain, with a friend and we were walking through a public garden exploring the different spaces, climbing through and around the different boxes. Feeling the flowers, the plants, even tasting a couple trying to figure out what they were. I stopped for a brief moment to just listen to the rain and watch it fall. It was so gentle, so soft, and peaceful, it was idyllic. In that moment it felt like I was holding hands with that little girl that loved to play in the puddles and dream. I was quickly snapped back to reality to my cell phone buzzing away and my friend calling to keep walking.  It was the most fun I’ve had in a really long time.

Where has the child like enthusiasm for life gone? Has it been replaced with adult responsibilities and proper behavior?

I don’t know about you, but I want more moments like last night and fewer moments widdling my worry stick sitting in my rocking chair full of concerns and adult responsibilities.

Gift of Life...

Today I received some news that a dear friend of mine has passed away. I am still processing the sadness and grief around his loss. He was one of the most caring, generous and loving men I know. My last conversation with him he said to me “Don’t shrink Nikki, the world needs to see your greatness. “ I know that he would not want me sitting around grieving his loss, he would expect me to crack a beer and watch a football game. Every Monday during football season, a few years back, we sat in a pub and he tried as hard as hell to explain the game to me, never quite got it.

There was one thing he and I had in common, heart troubles, which forced us both to appreciate the gift that is life. I was forced to face, at the age of 20, that I am not as indestructible as I thought I was and you may not get a second chance, like I did, to live life so appreciate it, live it, love it.

I had a pacemaker implanted after my heart decided to take an extended vacation because the electrical system was broken. I remember that moment everything started to go black, I could hear the monitors behind me start to make all sorts of sounds, and I remember watching the nurses and dr.’s rush towards me. The next thing I remember is watching them work on me for a long time. Yes, you read that right, I watched it all; all the needles, all the compressions, the paddles, I saw it all. I then remember blinking and looking back up at all the dr.’s and nurses and starting to cry. After that I don’t remember much until my mom walked around the corner, saw me laying there with all the tubes and machines beeping away. She kissed me on the forehead and said “Don’t you dare die before me, understand missy?” I knew from that moment on that I was given a second chance at life, to live it, embrace and enjoy it.

So, if you fought with someone today, weather you were right or wrong, it doesn’t matter. Call them or look at them and apologize and let them know how much you love them. Kiss your kids and appreciate the blessing they are, no matter how badly they make you want to pull your hair out. Give thanks for the amazing person your wife/husband/girlfriend/ boyfriend is. That friend that you haven’t spoken to for quite some time, but they pop into your mind, pick up the phone, call, write, email, get in touch with them. Tick those items off your bucket list. Start that hobby you put down because you never have the time. Just do it.

Life truly is a gift, don’t take it for granted, appreciate it, live it and love every minute of it.