Letting Go...

So I’m clear that my 2012 is not starting out as previous envisioned. In fact I’ve cried daily, moved from anger to frustration to sadness in the span of a minute and seriously thought at one point that there is something wrong with me mentally. In walks the BFF “AL” for a smack upside the head and a heart to heart.

Have you ever held on to something so tight that when you finally stopped and looked you couldn’t really remember why you were holding on?  Have you ever rushed into a decision because you just want the answer so bad, you couldn’t wait? Or my personal favorite…have you ever had an argument or thrown a temper tantrum because something didn’t go your way or because you couldn’t deal with not being right?

I was/am one of those women that have to have the answer for everything and I have to have it right away. If something didn’t/doesn’t go my way, trust me, I’m going to make darn sure you know about it and I’ve made more snap judgements and un-thoughtful decisions because I didn’t want to see how it was going to play out.

This morning on the phone I got why. I’m currently hanging on the edge of a cliff. There are a lot of areas of my life that are up in the air right now and I don’t know how they are going to play out. If I climb back up the cliff I’m going back to what I’ve always down, how I’ve always done it. If I let go and fall it means trusting that no matter what, what is meant to happen will happen. Now for a girl that always has to have all the answers, you can see why I’ve been an anxiety stricken, tear factory producing mess the first 18 days of this year. For the first time I’m letting go and I’m going to fall, I’m going to let things play out how they play out and trust that what is meant to happen will happen.

My dear BFF AL said this really great thing “A breakthrough is a quick fix to an annoying problem, a transition is shifting who you are to your very core and you my friend are smack dap in the middle of a transition so let go of the cliff.”

So, I’m letting go of expectations, assumptions, judgements and having to always know what’s on the other side. This isn’t to say that those things won’t always be there, it’s about practicing letting them go.