Letting Go...

So I’m clear that my 2012 is not starting out as previous envisioned. In fact I’ve cried daily, moved from anger to frustration to sadness in the span of a minute and seriously thought at one point that there is something wrong with me mentally. In walks the BFF “AL” for a smack upside the head and a heart to heart.

Have you ever held on to something so tight that when you finally stopped and looked you couldn’t really remember why you were holding on?  Have you ever rushed into a decision because you just want the answer so bad, you couldn’t wait? Or my personal favorite…have you ever had an argument or thrown a temper tantrum because something didn’t go your way or because you couldn’t deal with not being right?

I was/am one of those women that have to have the answer for everything and I have to have it right away. If something didn’t/doesn’t go my way, trust me, I’m going to make darn sure you know about it and I’ve made more snap judgements and un-thoughtful decisions because I didn’t want to see how it was going to play out.

This morning on the phone I got why. I’m currently hanging on the edge of a cliff. There are a lot of areas of my life that are up in the air right now and I don’t know how they are going to play out. If I climb back up the cliff I’m going back to what I’ve always down, how I’ve always done it. If I let go and fall it means trusting that no matter what, what is meant to happen will happen. Now for a girl that always has to have all the answers, you can see why I’ve been an anxiety stricken, tear factory producing mess the first 18 days of this year. For the first time I’m letting go and I’m going to fall, I’m going to let things play out how they play out and trust that what is meant to happen will happen.

My dear BFF AL said this really great thing “A breakthrough is a quick fix to an annoying problem, a transition is shifting who you are to your very core and you my friend are smack dap in the middle of a transition so let go of the cliff.”

So, I’m letting go of expectations, assumptions, judgements and having to always know what’s on the other side. This isn’t to say that those things won’t always be there, it’s about practicing letting them go. 

The First 12 days....

I'm taking the advice so eloquently put in this picture

So they say that the first 12 days of the year dictate how your year is going to go. It has been one hell of a ride that I have no desire to stay on for the year, which means I have 2 days to change how my first 12 days have gone.

What I’ve discovered, thus far, in my first 9 days is…

1.)    I do not adapt well to change, at all! If plans change and I’m not given ample notice I can through a hissy fight that could match a 2 year old that you’ve just told cannot have the bright shiny new toy she wants. Even worse, if I’m not told till the last minute and have no say in the change in plans….well just picture the little girl from Poltergeist, head spinning, pea soup spewing….you get the point.

2.)    My insecurities, which I thought I was keeping a pretty good handle on, have reared their ugly head in different, new ways. They masked themselves in “designer clothes” thinking I wouldn’t notice the new form they’ve taken. HA! Funny thing when you think you’ve dealt with an issue, it will take a new shape and reappear.

3.)    I have a boyfriend that, although not perfect, has more patience in his pinky finger than I do in my whole body. How do I know this? Well, he’s dating me, so he has to because I do not make it easy on him at times.

 

I have cried more, been upset more, been angry more and been so frustrated in the first 9 days of this year that I’m pulling out my big ol’ reset button and calling a do-over!

The three things I won’t do over…all the time I’ve spent getting to know my boyfriend’s family, my time with my Mumma, and my visit to one of the most beautiful cities this province has to offer and my hometown, Vernon.

Alright January 10^th & 11^th let’s go! 

2012 Baby!!!

Well 2012 has finally arrived and 2011 has come to a close and what a year it has been.

I set out to accomplish a series of goals last year, some of them I did and some of them I did not. The past year has felt like a few layers of skin have been shed. A lot of my reasons and excuses for not doing things went bankrupt, I’ve put myself out on a limb a couple times this year and it wasn’t as scary as previously expected. I’ve stood up for myself this year, when normally I would have shut down or coward away in fear. I strengthened some friendships and lost some friendships as well. I moved forward in some areas of my life and took a step or two backwards in others, but that is ok. 

What I am excited about is how all this change and newness is going to work its magic on my life in 2012. This coming year I want to….

1.       Take more risks than I’ve ever taken before. If my first response to something is no, then I want to make sure I say “Hell Yes!”

2.       Live my life with passion, power, confidence and ease.

3.       Look fear in the face and tell it to “F*ck off!”

4.       Love everyone and everything, especially when I don’t want to or it doesn’t look possible.

5.       Do more things than I’ve ever done before

There were parts to this year that I felt like it was just more of the same; more of the same bullshit, more of the same happening over and over again. The great thing about that is that it wasn’t the whole year! So this year I want to continue busting up the bullshit by living and breathing my 5 points above.

With that in mind here is my game plan for 2012…

1.       Eat healthy and food that nourishes my body. This year I’m not going to focus on losing a certain number or getting to a certain number. What I’m going to focus on is feeding my body the type of food that gives it proper vitamins, minerals and in return gives me health, vitality and energy.

2.       Exercise more. Try all different kinds of exercise and make them fun

3.       Get my driver’s license FINALLY. Enough said.

4.       Be more responsible in the area of money and saving. I have things I want to accomplish and I can’t do those things without the proper financial foundation.

5.       Read more, I love reading and I enjoy reading, but for some reason I hardly ever read, so this year I read more!  1 book a month, minimum.

6.       Live, breathe and take in the 5 points listed in the first part of this entry to every fibre of my being

7.       HAVE FUN!

Bring on 2012!