This is gonna be a little big of a different "Update" post because I gots some apologizing to do!
Update #1: is I have fallen off the health and wellness band wagon. I have been on muscle relaxants for the last 5 days and the level of pain I have been experiencing has scared me beyond which I can find words to describe. On the first day it took me almost 45 minutes to get out of bed and then I thought as a way to stretch my back out I would lay on the floor. Well it took over an hour and a WHOLE LOTTA tears to get up off the floor. The next day a trip to the chiropractor revealed a locked hip and about a dozen pulled muscles from the spasms. Now I know there are some things in life that are true cause and effect, but my instincts tell me that this was on of those polite smack's upside the head to refocus on my goal which I am absolutely not going to question because I NEVER want to experience that level of pain again.
Update #2: you may have noticed that my level of posting blogs has drastically decreased, well almost to nothing. I have a long list of really great excuses as to why I haven't, but that is all they are...excuses. I have gotten some amazing feedback on my blog and the difference that it makes for people and I let that wonderful world of fear creep in.
The Apology....
I am human. I've said it a thousand times before, being human, I am no where near perfect. I will make mistakes, I will screw up and second guess myself a thousand and one times. The really great lesson that I have finally started to learn is to embrace that. I was the Queen of Self-Loathing, beating myself up or making myself wrong for certain decisions. Notice how I used the word....was. The lesson for me in all of this is I'm done. I don't want to be the Queen of that anymore. I don't want to make myself wrong and beat myself up. I may not have been doing those things, but for the first time in a really long time I have still been happy! I am still smiling, I am still living my life on my terms.
Living my life on my terms is my greatest gift. Learning this lesson has freed me from emotional attachments that I have been allowing to hold me back. That ex-boyfriend that I just couldn't seem to let go of no longer has the hold on me he once did because it became abundantly clear how being with him forced me to live my life on his terms. Thus does not a lasting relationship make.
This last month has made me more thankful and grateful for the loving friends and family I have in my life. I do not take them for granted. I have those friends that love you no matter what, no judgments and all the messes that come along with life. They lay on the floor with you when you can't get up and rub your back when you're scared and crying and remind you that this pain will only make you stronger. They sit on the phone with you while you are crying your eyes out and remind you that, although it may not feel like it, you will get better and get back on track. They remind you how much of a dork you are for dancing in the middle of the street to make them laugh. I have the kind of family that although I may not see them all the time and we may not talk all the time, if I was ever in trouble I could call. My family shows up at your place of work to say hello, but just by doing that reminds you how loved and lucky I am to have that kind of family.
In short, I apologize if my not writing has been a missing for you in your life, but it has reminded me of what I want to do, the game I am out to play, and the whole reason for starting this blog in the first place. It has reminded me of how lucky and truly blessed I really am. I have found my smile and my spirit and I can't put a price on that.
Now let's get on with it!
This is a favorite song I have been listening to a lot this month.....
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